"Happiness is always a by-product. It is probably a matter of temperament, and for anything I know it may be glandular. But it is not something that can be demanded from life, and if you are not happy you had better stop worrying about it and see what treasures you can pluck from your own brand of unhappiness."
Robertson Davies.

Sunday, April 26, 2009


Sarah and I have decided that it is time for me to look into going to school full time and leave my full time job behind.
I actually have not been to work in a month or so as I have some back trouble that has kept me for sitting or standing for too long and loopy on pain meds, but I should be returning to work by the 5th of May.
If all goes as planned then in August I should be starting at ACC as a freshman and on my way to getting a degree as a licensed clinical therapist, possibly specializing in addiction counseling.

It will also fall to me to be the one who watches Nik while Sarah works and when I am not in school.
I really am happy I finally get to go back to school, while I have never been to college, I really am looking forward to feeding my brain new things.
I recently discovered a coffee shop in the area I now live, its called Dazzle and is just amazing.
The owner really cares about the quality of his drip coffee as well as his espresso beans, not to mention the awesome smoothies and pastries.

I have spoke on the owner a couple of times and he is friendly and very concerned with customer opinion, and is always ready to give suggestions for new ways to enjoy your favorite drink.

On one of these occasions of speaking to the owner I asked where he gets his beans from, and he told me from a roaster that was new to the area called Cuvee.

I came home and did some research on the roaster and found out that they also offer a full day class for barista training (something I have always wanted to learn how to do in more than just a slap-dash kind of way) the trainers are barista competition winners for several categories and the class size is 4 per class.
Its full day and I really hope I get to sign up before I start school or do it over one weekend.

I have sort of been fascinated for a while now with learning to make espresso based coffee drinks and the art of using an espresso machine, Sarah has even mentioned that she can tell from the way I have spoken about it in the past that it seems to be a sort of soothing or relaxing task for me.

I hope to be able to take this course and then maybe while going to school pick up a job a coffee shop part time.

ok, so enough stream of consciousness BS from me for right now.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

all growed up?

As of the end of last month I am 33 years old.

It took me just shy of 33 years to figure out what "I want to be when I grow up".

In my past job history I have taken customer service jobs that I maybe wasn't cut out for, I guess I kept taking these types of jobs for 2 reasons:

1.) they are easy to get.

2.) there is an aspect there that was in some (very small) sense was helping people.

Most of my life the job of moral support was either claimed by me or thrust upon me.
I began to take to it.

I may not be much use in manual labor duties or in a fight but I sure can help you sort through baggage and work out issues.

I have decided to stay at my current job while going to school so I can become a licensed therapist.
I have had the idea suggested to me by my own therapist to maybe specialize in addiction therapies.

I think I will reserve choosing a specialization until I get some real schooling in first.

I consider this a decent way to satisfy my need to help people in a more direct way, as well as a way to possibly ensure that I can provide for my son.
My son Nikolai is growing so fast.
He is almost 10 months old and is 2.5 feet tall.
He has his two front bottom teeth and his 2 upper k9s, by next month he will have fully grown in his front upper teeth.
Hes just about comfortable with walking now and is getting eager to run.
I have been considering writing down some more ideas for short films that I have been letting simmer in my head for the last few years now.
I hope to at least write and help film one in the first half of next year.
more later...

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Been a long time.

Previously on 'Barts bloggings':

A baby was born.

A temp job went 'perm'.

So now here it is May 10th 2008 and my son is 4 months old as of the 7th.

He is in the 97th or above percentile for height (for normal people that mean hes wicked tall for his age).

He still has yet to pick one eye color (today they are blue around the outside green in the middle and brown around the pupil).

He is still a handsome little devil.

I was just promoted at work and given a small raise, so sarah can focus on just going back to school and not have to get a job unless she chooses to.

I am seriously considering starting up the Iron Cook contests again. (even though the food network totally ripped my idea off for a crappy game show, no not the one I ripped off but another one for amature cooks.)

I am still working towards learning to drive.

I have begun shooting photos with my Holga and have some results posted in the 'random' section of my myspace photo albums, as well as on my flickr account.

I hope you folks are doing well.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Mighty Big Fucking Week.

Here I am sitting in the new year, its January 10 2008.
I have a son.(see video below.)
I now have been hired on by the company I was temping for, and getting paid much better than a man with my limited education prolly deserves.
And we have to be moved out of this house by the end of the month.
Also Sarah And I got engaged last Saturday.

Our little man was born at 5:20 pm on January 7 (monday).
I woke up that morning at 10:00 am by Sarah saying that her back was killing her.
She seemed to be really uncomfortable and said that she wanted to go back to sleep but couldn't.
I asked her to call her doctor, after she put up some resistance she caved and called in, the doc told her to get to the office asap.
She drove us there and hit the cruise control whenever one of these "back pains" hit, these "back pains" were 4 minutes apart and lasted 2 mins.
When the doctor checked her out she said you are 6 cm and ready to deliver this baby.
She was in labor, had been since 7:30 in the morning.

We get into the delivery room and we wait for the epidural, and we wait...after 3 hours of this Sarah is pain and she asks her doc, "what the hell?"
She gets the Epidural and its not a fun thing to watch, firstly it seems that every anesthesiologist I have ever met has the warmth of a walk in freezer, and I imagine that epidurals are tough to deliver but all the rooting around back there with that needle looked like torture for Sarah.
Once she got it everything was good for her.
She was in active labor for a total of 40 minutes, she was amazing.
It was the opposite of everything I imagined, it was not gross or messy really, she wasn't cursing my name or screaming.
Epidurals are no joke Sarah said she only felt pressure.

Here we have the little one, Nikolai Never Chavarria, a strong healthy baby born with no complications and he came home with us yesterday.

While we were in the hospital I got a call from my manager at work letting me know I needed to come in and sign some stuff, I didn't know what it was but she sounded like it wasn't a bad thing so I went in and got offered a position at work doing the same work for slightly more pay and now with full benefits starting immediately.
Sarah got the same offer, she declined after much deliberation and I know it was hard for her, but she would have to cut her maternity leave a little short, and she was fairly convinced that getting back in there as a temp to hire would be just as easy if not easier than it was this time.
More as that develops, I'm sure her blog will go into her thoughts on that more.
And we still are looking for a place to live and move in before the end of the month, thats a pain in the ass we have only touched the surface of.

Also I have to say all of you kind friends and relatives out there who called or emailed or came by to the hospital, we love you guys it really showed us that we have some really awesome friends.
Thank you from the 3 of us.
more later.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Weekends off.

I am sitting at work waiting for Sarahs shift to end.
I am ready to go home and sleep in preparation for tomorrows baby shower , it's actually kind of a milestone for me.
When we first found out we were gonna have a little one we decided that December was when we wanted to have the shower, it seemed a million years away.
Now its tomorrow.
It means we have about a month 'til the due date.
How weird is that?
I was idly looking at engagement rings today online, without really even thinking about it until I realized i was getting into it.
This is feeling very natural but also like I am sort of watching myself do it at the same time.
A detached sort of natural then I guess.
It looks like I know what I am doing even if I don't...alot of things have become that way as of late.
I'm not really complaining it just looks like I am.
I'm glad this is my life, I would change somethings If I could but I am happy, near satisfied even.
Now about that career...

Thursday, November 29, 2007

An open letter #2

Dear Brother,

So, it looks like 20 years buys me no explanation for you suddenly no longer speaking to me.
could it be you got hired, and your heads up your ass?
could it be that you have invented another thing i did wrong to you?
Or could it be that you feel that the son I have coming into this world in just over a month from now may make things even less about you?
A simple explanation will suffice, or I can safely say that "the only real family you have outside of your grandmother and sam" will give you the same treatment you give me.
And you can stop bragging about the niece that you ignore to your online friends.
So here you have now pushed a good friend away and also pushed him to say very angry things...again.
do you feel justified now?
am I the bad guy?
I hope so.
And now for the rest of us:
It seems I again am a horrible friend this time who knows why.
But it seems I do something to certain people, something that makes them do this.
I would love to know what it is.
Yes this is sorta an uncomfortable situation for the average blog reader to come across, its kinda dirty pool for me to expose nerves like this.
But I am ready to move on if communication has broken down between someone who once claimed me as his brother.
...back to normal blogging status.
This ends the dark shit for a while...I cant wait to see ya'll at the baby shower.

Monday, November 26, 2007


When you are coming down with the flu you shouldn't travel to a cold wet swamp,
So this past weekend I went to the armpit of Texas...Houston.
On the way there I picked up the flu and some apple juice also a dark chocolate snickers bar.
mmmmm the flu.
While there Sarah and I visited the galleria, now if you know me more than a little bit I love malls...no I actually love them like a journey song at 4 am when your in the car all by yourself, in an embarrassed sort of way.
That being said, I fucking hated the galleria.
And more importantly my blind Austinite hatred for Houston was solidified.
How can one be ghetto and stuck up?
Any way while at the galleria I learned that I am a squat boulder of human flesh that 'normal' clothing stores offer nothing that a 65 year old man wouldn't think is the bees knees style-wise you understand.
Is this why I hate the galleria, cause I'm a fatty...no.
Maybe its part of it, but not a large part.
I went to a place called House of Pies, a diner without the interesting people...or good food, and for sure terrible fucking pies.
Our waitress was sweet and 90.
We later went to papadauxs it was canjun seafood, and it seems whenever I crave seafood I regret giving in...and I never crave cajun food, ever.
The food was pricey, and weird.
I ordered something called crabfingers, while the appetizing name may lead you to think that yummy was about to ensue it was the seafood equivalent to hot wings, tiny, tiny hot wings.
Too much work for too little payoff.
All the while I was Robo'd and battling the spins and this horrible flu thing.
Well it seems that now my sneezes make me want to die cause my chest feels like its gonna collapse and catch fire so I think I'd better Robo up and lay down.
be good kids.

Friday, October 26, 2007


I am sitting here in my cube at work and I have to wonder if everyone gets the same itchy teeth, or painful skin feeling I get as the next workday approaches.

I'm sure that I'm in the minority here, but this condition I have has been with me since I was very young.
As my mother and I would approach the school building I would get a little flush and dizzy, just like when I pull up to work.

This feeling will strike from time to time, gladly it has stopped causing me to "lose" or leave my jobs as it once did, but still it's distracting.

Its like clinical laziness, I'll call it what it is...Deep down I am lazy.
It seems I always have been.
It presents in many ways but consistently it comes on like sickness, not anxiety...it escalates to anxiety.

Luckily I have the next 2 days off, maybe I will try to throw a late party for my birthday (which was this past wednesday).
I really do wish I could shake this feeling.
yeah here at work I occasionally have the time to whine.

More later as I plan to stay up the better part of tonite.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

The Latest.

Here we are a little over six months after my last post, our jobs are going well...we still are working in the same place and these six or so months have flown by.
Sarah is showing, our son Nikolai Never is prone to somersaults and kicking around in her tummy.
He dances when she eats pie...who doesn't dance when they eat good pie?
I am getting behind the wheel of Sarah's car more and more frequently.
I drove to Epoch last night, sure its just a few blocks from here.
A few long curvy, dark, crossing 2 main busy street blocks from here...I am proud of me.
Next week I will be 'celebrating' my 32nd year on this planet.
I have gotten my birthday off and the day after and we are planning something, most likely going out to eat with some friends and then maybe a party here at the house that weekend after.
See my other blogs for more new and fun stuff.
more later.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Big News

Sarah & I found out yesterday morning that we are gonna have a baby.
Her first Dr. visit is tomorrow.
man, this is weird to type.
So for all those interested, there you have it um...we're gonna have a little version of us.
I think I'm still processing it.
We're very happy, and exited...but kinda weirded out.
anyway, this is gonna be a strange year.
Sarah's folks are gonna move down, and her sister Rachel is gonna be here alot.
I do wish my grandmother were still around to see this.
I miss her...she woulda loved this news and told me what to do to process this properly.
I know we'll be great, it'll be rough but I'm looking forward to the challenge.
Good thing we got these new jobs too.
damn good thing.
k, talk to you guys later.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Under construction.

This month so far has been busy.
I'm sure some of you have noticed a severe lack of goings on blogwise for me also my other sites
have gone almost totally untouched as well.
I will explain:
1.) I was working at the bookstore with josh and got swept away each night by tired or madness.
2.) I then got accepted for another job, so yes there I am now employed.
3.) The ever present panic, which likes to mimic heart trouble.
So for these reasons I have neglected my self imposed duties, and I am sorry.
But if all goes well by this time next year, Sarah and I will be very financially stable...Then who knows what will happen.
For now things are good, I am learning to take it as it comes and not dwell on the bad stuff.
Now time to jump back into the rest of my updating,
Night kiddos.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Last nite in Denver.

I really, really like it here in Denver.
I got to see more of downtown today, 16th street mall, Paris on the Platte, and fashion nation...not at all in that order.
Denver reminds me a little of Toronto...and some moments of Austin, just segments of streets here and there.
I took some pictures I will post them eventually.
In the mean time look at the ones Jess and I took yesterday and on the way down here.
Anywho, I got to go to Pablos again today they roast my current favorite blend 'Two stroke smoke' Randall introduced me to it and wow, it's the best coffee roast I have ever tasted.
I'm no expert tho...but I know what I like.
I bought a pound of two stroke and a t-shirt, tomorrow I'm gonna go get a hoodie and a couple of souvenirs for Austin folks like Sarah and Josh and Manna and Ron...damn anyway I fly outta here at noon tomorrow and get home 6 hours later, then I gotta get things fixed up for the contest on Saturday.
I hope I get some good sleep tonite 'cause tomorrow is a big 'ol day.
goodnite kiddos.
I'll see you soon.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007


So here I sit in an one of the most awesome houses I have ever been in, you know one of those houses you see in like a pottery barn catalog? Like on the small side? That's the one.
(I'm in Denver, Colorado by the way.)
And this is the 3rd day of my mini vacation, not that I deserved one with my jobless ass, but my friends needed help moving and I saw no opportunity in the near future for a shot like this to see a little bit more of the world, now especially at a time when a lot of my friends are moving/going away...the bug kinda bit me too.
I figured this would be a good way to get outta Austin and do some good friends a solid.
So our first day went with only a few delays and distractions, but once on the road things went well.
Until we began to hear weather reports about tornados, snow, high winds,rain, and the 10 plagues...all at once in our path to Denver.
So we decided to stop in Amarillo for the night ate dinner and slept badly.
Woke up to clear skies and no apocolypse...hmm seems we got lucky until we get 300 miles from Denver, to a town called Kit Carson.
The high winds were reaking havoc on the moving truck our friends rented.
And mostly the radio reports were fucking scary.
We drove another 20 miles to town called Hugo where four tornadoes were heading slowly towards our location but ahead of them was snow more high winds and a few false alarms on the tornado sirens across the street from the weird smelling hotel room we rented.
After a gas station dinner and cup of watery hot cocoa I watched an entire season of Dr Who on my ipod because the cable was out...sleep came roughly, broken and riddled with waking moments of slight panic.
A small blizzard roared outside and ended as quickly as it started...all in all 5 hours maybe of inclimate weather but we were in for the night.
Back on the road at 8am got us thru clear skies with snow drifts on the plains to either side of highway 70 we carried on easily yet worse for wear got into Denver by noon today all of us in one piece.
I fall in love with Denver easily, and want to move here...not 'cause it's Denver but 'cause it's not Austin...and more importantly does not remind me of austin in any way.
Today the weather was 55 and sunny, perfect in my book.
But the downside is now I am getting peer pressured into not even leaving...like we can get you a job here, and if you go you'll puss out and not come back.
I'm trying to play it cool, and not be pushed around as I am prone to allow.
Sometimes people can give you good advise for the wrong reason or at the wrong time...this is the case here I think.
They mean well however, they are not considering whats going on in my life.
Which realistically is nothing but it in in transition, I am about to apply for a job that if it pans out will allow Sarah and I to become financially square, and then maybe for me to go to school to learn a trade I can travel with...maybe even to denver.
I will post more later, and maybe photos.
later folks.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

A mini Vacation

Nope this is not Austin,Tx.
This is Denver, Colorado, and where I will be all this week because I am helping 2 of my friends move.
I hope the weather stays nice up there during.
by the way did you know that if the shit hit the fan Denver would be the new U.S. capitol?
it is pretty.
anywho, I won't be at movie Tuesday.
but I will be back in time for Iron Cook.
see you all then.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Confirming my 'Hater' status.

Ok, So my buddy Rob and his lovely wife 'Becca are moving back to Louisiana on Monday.
(I'm gonna miss them.)
To demonstrate how nice they are: they invited me and paid for the three of us to go to The OMWF sing along, now if you know me, I am not the most forgiving or patient of guys when it comes to people being jack asses.
Sure it's a short coming, and hell its gotten me fired from a few jobs...but I've never even once gone to 'the rocky horror picture show' for this exact reason.
I'm a cranky fucker.
As greatful as I am that they wanted to take me, no offense intended to them...Imagine going to see one of your favorite movies, not most favorite, but a favorite and the whole audience is talking thru the whole thing, singing to the songs in the background, speaking every line loud enough for the whole theater to hear.
My head almost came off.
I was born this way.
I felt like I was living for one night in the world from that horrendously stupid movie that Crispin Glover made where he was the only person not afflicted with downs syndrome in the whole world...like our one little couch was floating in a sea of...I think you get the idea.

Anyway, I realized today that drinking and singing don't mix...I never liked karaoke.
I think people who can sing should, and those of us who can't sing should wait til' we're alone and belt out whatever possesses us then.
Yelling ain't singing.

I hate to say this but the whole experience made me almost regret ever seeing a single episode of Buffy.
There I said it.
Now I have to find out if I still even like the show.
damn nerds.
Ni ta ma de. Tianxia suoyoude ren dou gai si
on the upside, 'Hot Fuzz' was friggin awesome.
I got to see it on Thursday.
nite kiddos.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


Word is this is actually gonna happen:

the date is not set in stone as of yet but the new alamo drafthouse guide has it listed.

oh yeah Hiro will be there...like for real.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

tell me what ya think

Should I do a bi-weekly trailer post?
Heres one for y'all to chew on in the meantime.
more after I have tried to sleep.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Whats been up?

Right, so this past week has been eventful.

The Host
Ray guns of awesome.
Unintentionally dirty comics(?).

So I had this 'grand' idea about car tripping out to San Antonio to see 300 on the Imax.

I don't know why I try to organize these types of trips, I always end up losing it at some point during the excursion.
I would make a crappy pioneer.

So we get to the theater and I have to beg for the tickets I actually paid for.
We get them and kill an hour before realizing that the enormous line forming to our right was the one we shoulda gotten in as soon as we got our tickets.
We eventually get in to the theater to find no seats but those we can wrangle by asking a herd of people to shift over to have 2 seats together, now that covers half our party...the only seats left in the whole place are the front row, a foot and a half from funny observational loud mouth moviegoer.
Hey guess who wouldn't shut up?
Luckily for us he was no match for the 12,000 watts of sound that were headphone close to our seats.
The movie, what I was conscious for, was amazing (in my opinion).
But then again I am very forgiving with movies, so I am told.
Thanx to Amanda and Josh for putting up with me at my near worst...yet again.
Over all, the Imax experience from the front row was like having my dream living room try to beat and rape me.

Now on to Drama:
It would seem I am the worst friend on the planet.
The hitler of best friends.
I'll tell ya:
I don't answer emails,sms-es,phone calls, smoke signals, semi fore, morse code, shortwave radio transmissions in a timely fashion if at all.
I think this is simply a case of maybe I'm sorta antisocial, maybe I felt some of those messages were rhetorical if not outright absurd questions.
Bottom line, I think we can all be flaky.
And at time even me, yes...I know I know...even I can be flaky.
Heres how it works: If you're not paying me to be somewhere at a certain time, wait for me somewhere you can enjoy being with or without me.
Shit comes up, I am scatterbrained...
I am not late for movies.
I just am not gonna stress my self out over hanging out with anyone...how is that fun?
Get over yourself.
I've gotten over me.
Hopefully this shit pans out, and I don't have euthanise yet another friendship.

Tuesday is movie night.

Thanks to Josh we got to see 'The Host' Sneak preview.
I loved the hell outta the movie even though there were some moments that
I could only assume were cultural references that had to be shrugged off, seeing as how subtitling has learned nothing from fan subbing like explaining things that would make no sense to american audiences.
I can't wait to see this movie again.
Then buy the dvd.

Now to wrap up I give some things to look at :

Thats right kiddo, those are ray guns.
Ray guns made by Weta.
Limited run of 500 each.
You got around $700 bucks to spare for just one?
I don't but if I did, shit I'd save up for all three.
Wanna know more about these awesome little guys?
Check out Dr. Grordbort's Infallible Aether Oscillators.

Sarah Stumbled across this blog the other day featuring some comic book moments like this one(its my favorite):

Later kiddos.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

rain, podiobooks,and blood.

Lately there has been some weather happening, rainy nights...sunny days...rainy days...you get the idea.
So today after having an awesome dinner with a couple friends o mine, I went with one of these afore mentioned friends to epoch...fun and laughs were had.

: My friend had to run off to do this thing called sleep.
I have heard of this sleep thing, but would not spend any time with it this evening.

I decided to indulge in some things I had downloaded to the ipod, things called "podiobooks".
Podiobooks are, from what I can tell, original works read by the authors and broken up into chapters that are released on a schedule.
I am currently subscribed to "how to disappear completely" and "How to Succeed in Evil" I am really digging the latter more right now.

So anyway there I was watching the rain, sipping cold coffee, doodling in my notebook when my phone rings: Its Sarah shes "out drinking..." and "hanging out with folks from work" she tells me shes "Just gonna sober up and then come get me."
"Sure, sure" I say cautiously"...just be careful."
Then I hop back into the podiobook.

2:30 A.M.
Phone rings again its Sarah...I can hardly understand her more than usual on her muffled phone...
Some thing about her friends house, a dog, the E.R.
"woah, wait...what?!"
"I ran to a friends house to get something and his dog bit me in the face...but I'm fine...its not that bad."

Not that bad.
So thanks to my friend Noah, I get to hospital on the other end of town to sit with Sarah and her friend.
I didn't think the wound would be as bad as it actually was...which really wasn't so bad.
I will say that there was a barely connected skin flap, and large red stains on Sarah and her clothes, but eventually (2 hospitals, 6 hours and 10 stitches later) she was ok. She got kinda woozy and nauseous both in the hospital and then at home(still inexplicable)

but we got home.
She barely ate.
I choked down some leftover spaghetti.
now sleep

More later.

Friday, March 9, 2007

...yeah still awake.

So I just remembered, Josh and I are gonna be at screenburn this weekend, I'm not much of a video gamer but I do like some of them...maybe there will be some pictures.
I dunno how this works...but I plan to have fun!
this is me having fun:
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket